Desperate Daters

As the month of February begins, I find that I am unable to think of anything but,  love, chocolates, and teddy bears. I feel as though I am completely devoted to finding my other half. I sit in class and I think of hearts and roses as lines from The Notebook run through my head. And I just sit around and wish that this year will be the year that I finally have my dream Valentine's Day date. What a perfect holiday right? It's great because it makes every annoying single person like 10 times more annoying than usual. For example, I love logging onto Facebook and seeing a thousand posts that read, "Who wants to be my valentine ;)" and I hope they realize that the wink really does add effect. And, I'm sure someone is going to see that post and immediately respond and before you know it, you two will be spending the 14th night of the month under the stars together. Or I love how many people end up calling it 'Single Awareness Day,' this honestly never was funny but for some reason insecure people like to keep bringing it up. They post on each other's walls, "happy single awareness day!" Trying to act like they truly are happy being single. Even though you know they have thought about this day since October, scouting out any possible prospects. And it's not like it's even just a horrible holiday for single people, it's pretty dumb regardless of your relationship status. It puts pressure on what should just be another day on the calendar. Especially when it's on a week day, who has time for that? I mean I know I'm way too busy. I couldn't possibly find any free time. But seriously, I heard my Dad last week look at my mom and say, "what is a guy supposed to do for a girl on Valentine's Day?" He told her she should just go by herself something. And no he's not a die-hard romantic, but they have been married for over thirty years and my Dad still doesn't know what to do for Valentine's day. That's because it's a stupid holiday. And I wish we could fast-forward through it, just so I wouldn't have to hear people complain about it. And yes, I know I just wrote down a whole page of complaints, but that's why we should stop celebrating it all together. I wouldn't complain from hearing everyone else's complaints. Really everyone would win. Besides maybe Saint Valentine? Whoever he was anyway? Or maybe Cupid, but he goes around shooting people, so I don't think he should have any say in this argument.

Living the Dream

I am someone who truly loves to sleep. Honestly I can justify sleeping at any point in the day. Whether it's a six hour nap or a 10 minute one, I am all for it. The best part of sleeping is being able to dream. And I swear I have the weirdest dreams in the world. I once had a dream where I just sat on a motorcycle and didn't move for the whole night. I would love to have a dream interpreter tell me what that means. They would probably come up with something weird, tell me that I'm scared of change or losing my family, or anything along those lines. But I don't think you can even look too far into my dreams, because they are just weird. And I'm starting to pull full on Inception moves, I can now control what I do. This is both really strange and awesome at the same time. I will be making decisions in my dreams that I can truly choose. It's amazing because it finally feels like I have control over my life. Even though my dreams are far from real life. And people think I'm dark because I've always said I would rather have nightmares than dreams. No, I'm not someone who sits around in a dark room and thinks about pain. I just prefer waking up from a nightmare than a dream. Waking up from a dream you're convinced you just inherited millions of dollars, or finally met the love of your life. And then you wake up single in a crappy dorm room, wondering where your butler and hot model husband are. And then when you realize that it was not only a dream but probably not in the cards for you at all, it sucks. But on the other hand, when you wake up screaming from evil men chasing you in your night mare you are comforted by your bed and satisfied with your dorm room and anything that's familiar. Nightmares really just remind you that things in your life could be a lot worse. You realize in real life you're able to scream and run when you need to. It's not like how in a nightmares when you're being chased but you're like a cartoon, and you legs are moving but you are standing still, right in arms length of the villain. Or you try your hardest to scream but nothing but a whisper comes out. What's even weirder is when there is a person in your dream that you've never met or haven't seen in years. How does this happen? You cannot tell me that subconsciously I was thinking about the face that I've seen once but never met, right before I dreamed about them. And it's even weirder when you can't remember who was in your dream until you see a stranger the next day, and like a movie the images all come pouring back into your brain. Lately I've just been fascinated with dreams. And I can't wait to go to bed tonight so I can have another one. Hopefully it will be another really weird one. Or maybe, it will pick up where it left off last night. When I woke up, I was just about to fight off scary pirates and interrogate them until they showed me where they hide the treasure. This is honestly the kind of things I dream about, and yes, I realize I'm no longer 10 years old.

Non-Stop Nostalgia

Nostalgia. A simple word that is only eight letters. That most people probably go day to day never using, or giving any thought to. But how can such an under used, quaint word have so much power. It’s like nostalgia is the tiny underdeveloped person who enters the weight room and is able to bench more than the bodybuilders. You don’t see it coming from such a seemingly nice word. Nostalgia is like the friend every one has, but doesn’t really want. They are always there, but never because you need them. They remind you of things you loved, but never help you find them again. They are attached to good memories, but really only fill your life with pain. The pain is the worst part. And there is nothing you can do about it. It’s like this friend, is following you around throwing signs in your face that read, “this weather is going to make you miss that one day last year.” Or, “remember that trip you took to Arkansas that was one of you favorites of all time? Well, that’s all over now.” And then the friend doesn’t even stay around long enough for you to cope with the pain, and they leave you. Only to return another time with something else that you will miss so much it hurts. So how do you avoid a feeling that can be so paralyzing? Even though it brings up the best memories, it’s hard not to feel sad. So do you try and steer clear of this friend? Do you try and duck past them when they haven’t seen you yet? Hoping that if you can’t see them, they can’t see you. When they call your name do you pretend you can’t hear? When they throw the signs in your face, do you close your eyes hoping the tantalizing desire to return to your past will leave? Even if you tried all of these things, nostalgia will find you again. It’s your shadow. You may be able to hide from it in the shade, but once you enter into the sunny area, there it is. Screaming your name and going on and on about how it’s missed you, even though you know it’s not true. And here you are full of the pain and regret again, because the good part of the memory is fleeting and all that is left is the empty feeling. And all you want is to experience that moment just one more time. And you swear this time you will make it count. This time around you promise you’ll appreciate it. Everyone has always heard that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. This is because of nostalgia, because the minute the good is gone, the unfaithful friend will return to remind you over and over again that the good experience won't be coming back. Maybe, it’s like when you’re in physical pain, and you promise that once it’s over you’ll appreciate life so much more. Is that the point of nostalgia? To make us remember that we should appreciate what we have, because one day it will be gone? So even if everything isn’t perfect, that we should smile through the pain and laugh through the tears? So that when we look back we will know we lived every moment to the fullest? It seems as though nostalgia is just reminding us to live in the now. Nostalgia is just there to keep us in place. To prompt us to be better, and show us that we can make new memories that one day we will miss just as much. There isn’t a limit to how many memories one person can have. And nostalgia’s calling is that exactly, to tell us again and again how much we value our memories, and demonstrate that we should make more. In the end, it’s not nostalgia’s fault, it’s just doing its job.

Irrational Ideas

I have started to notice that I have a serious problem of eavesdropping. I truly am a real ear hustler. And though this may be completely creepy, I've picked up a few tricks, and I would say I'm actually pretty good at it. I can be sitting rows away from people and still pick up on their every word. I've even improved my skills of reading lips, for those moments when you can't really hear, but you are still dying to know what's being said. And since moving home, I've started to not want this talent anymore. It's become a curse. I can't turn off my abilities. And when much is given much is expected. So, I truly don't want this responsibility anymore. I swear if I hear one more conversation about anything involving a wedding, I will take it upon my self to hurt something. In Utah, the conversations in class are no longer about the weather, homework, or people's days. They have now evolved into something much more important. People now are focused on the style of their future wedding dress, when they are twenty and single. Am I the only one that finds this both a little weird and poorly timed? If you don't have a boyfriend, you're probably not going to be married anytime soon. Oh wait, I forgot, you only have to date for five seconds until it's completely acceptable to get engaged. So maybe I'm the only who isn't planning for the future. But I think it will be fine to decide this all once I'm engaged, or never. It's not like the world is ending and I better get my canned food and water, to ensure that I don't starve. I think not knowing, what you want to name your unborn children, or how your future husband (that you haven't found yet) will potentially propose to you, won't end in your demise. I think you get time to figure this all out. That's what the engagement is for. Not to factor into the time you've known your husband. So you can count the two month engagement, so it won't be as weird to tell people. This way you can say you've known each other for four months, rather than two. Which sounds WAY better, right? And you may think this is exaggerated and if you do, you're welcome to come to any of my classes. One girl was asking a boy yesterday why him and his wife were waiting so long to have children. And I'm not kidding this kid had to be only twenty years old. An important question though indeed. Honestly, I was wondering the same thing. Glad he cleared it up for us. Oh and I'm glad a girl started to sob in my other class because her boyfriend, who on that day had reached his forth month on the mission, was practically home. Maybe, she's just bad at math. But I wanted to lean over and say, sweetheart I wouldn't call a year and six months, almost home. But hey, that's just my way of looking at things. Maybe, she's just trying to see the glass half full or whatever, but either way, sobbing over something so dumb, is never necessary. You all probably are saying to yourselves, "if these conversations annoy you, don't listen."Or, "this really is none of your business anyway." But that's the true problem here people. I can't help it. I need to invest in ear plugs or something. Because I'm afraid these pointless conversations are going to result in either me gagging again, or they will make my ears bleed forever. Either may get me out of having to listen. So, HEY, it really may be a win/win.

Can somebody please tell Roth that we don't love college?

Every high school student counts down the seconds until their freedom. They are convinced that once they leave their high school and the confounding walls, that they will finally have the "time of their lives."And to be honest, this saying has always confused me. How do you know something is the time of your life until you've lived your whole life? I love people who are like twenty-five going on and on about how they truly had the time of their lives in college. What if one day they win the lottery and get to spend the rest of their lives on a beach, or instantly become a celebrity that everyone is dying to meet. I bet they will feel pretty stupid that they already decided that the days of being a poor, hungry, and tired student were the best of their lives. And maybe it's just me, but I honestly miss high school, there were no worries at all. Soccer, school, and life were just easier. But hey, I'm down to live off of Roman Noodles and end every day exhausted, who wouldn't be? I just don't think I could currently agree with Asher Roth, even though his college life seems A LOT different than mine. I just don't think I could fully say that I love college. I mean I'm not saying I hate it, we just have more of a platonic relationship.

Prompt Proposals

Moving back to Utah has made me aware of a few things. That I am no longer adjusted to subzero temperatures, and that there should be a law about how many people can get married per month. I swear I can't even log onto Facebook anymore without seeing at least five pictures of people showing off their wedding rings. And here I am just barely learning how to do my own laundry. Even though I have no desire to be married really at all, well not at least for a few years, I am feeling a certain amount of pressure. I feel like I am going to be the shopper trying to get the good deals once it's all picked over. There will no longer be the expensive shoes that are half off, and I will be left with a pair of used Sketchers . And hey, I'm not even trying to be picky here, I'm just saying by waiting too long, the whole Salt Lake Valley will be like Nordstrom the day after a huge sale. I will be left digging through a mess to find any good deal that's left. It's like at a football game, when one person stands up it forces the whole stadium to in order to see the game. I feel like once someone gets married young we all have to or we are left watching the back of someone's head rather than the touchdown. And it's no one's fault really, it's just the way things are. So do you wait around hoping there are a few boys that followed your plan? Or do you hurry and snatch one up before they are all gone? Maybe I'll just deem myself a Cradle Robber...that way I can marry someone younger, when I'm ready. I've always been down with the whole Ashton Kutcher/ Demi Moore thing, even though they are getting divorced. Doesn't really prove my point at all. But for now, I think I'm going to hold off on the bridal magazines and day dreams about the perfect dress, and just concentrate on surviving college. Maybe tackling much bigger problem such as finding classes on a huge campus, and making new friends. Both have proven to be much harder at a huge university than they were at Saint Marys. I just hope when I decide to settle down that there will still be one pair of Prada Shoes marked at a good price. But if not, I've always secretly wanted a pair of Sketchers Shape Ups.

Stranger Danger

It's funny how complete strangers can feel comfortable talking about a few subjects. "Wow this weather is sure great," "Did you catch the (fill in with local team) game last night?" The one conversation that perfect strangers feel inclined to engage in that confuses me the most, is about people's choice of being vegetarian. As soon as someone hears that you're vegetarian they immediately become your nutritionist. There are three questions that follow once someone hears that you're vegetarian: "Where do you get your protein, Why are you vegetarian, How long have you been vegetarian?" This continues to shock me, why do strangers care where I get my protein? It's not like I go around asking people crossing the street where they get their vitamin C. I understand that getting a proper amount of protein can be difficult for vegetarians, but so what? Maybe I'm eating no protein, I still don't know you so it's weird that you're asking me about my eating habits. It's like the minute they hear that you don't eat meat, they have to justify why they do. "You know they say eating meat sparingly is good for you.." I don't understand why these people judge what I choose to eat and not eat. It's not like I judge them as they shove the third cookie of the night into their mouths...okay maybe I do a little. Or it's not like I tell them repeatedly that they are eating what was once a living breathing animal, though I may be thinking it. Little bit of advice, don't give any to people you don't know. Wait until you "meat" someone to advise them on their protein intake.